My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
