Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
