we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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