I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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