Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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