new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
A+ Viking dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
