Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
