quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
