she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Drake has all the answers
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
