ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Someone shattered a urinal.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
