so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry about my life...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
