i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
