Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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