i used baking grease as lip gloss
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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