about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't deserve a penis
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
