I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
