tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
