i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
