Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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