A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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