you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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