i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
