hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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