Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
