I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
