Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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