Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
