when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
