A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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