I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
