I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
PANTIES FOUND
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