Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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