i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
