Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize