He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
