you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
