im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
