my mouth tastes like poor choices
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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