BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize