I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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