Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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