I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
