When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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