Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
