I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
