whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
