Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
