when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
