you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Randomize
