Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
