would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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