You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
