i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
