drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
