"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
