Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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