it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
