Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
