I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
