I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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