I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
