I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
