I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
