I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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