he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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