i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
