my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
