Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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