Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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