no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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