Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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