I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
