You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
