He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize