help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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