is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I forget how to act sober
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
