so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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