So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
