I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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