Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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