look no pants
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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