Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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