I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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