What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
