She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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