I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
