I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize