Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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