i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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