it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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