Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
