your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
