I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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