i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
