Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
