Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
