You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't think brook has ever known best
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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