i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
