the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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