hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
