booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
