He is an equal opportunity slut.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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