I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
