her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
