Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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