My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
