So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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