He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
