3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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