I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
