dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
