remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
