Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
