anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize