So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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